Saw oncologist with the wife today.....they can't tell if the nodes in her lungs or the lesions in her liver are cancer or not because they are too small to diagnose or biopsy.....which means the doctor can't tell us if my girl is terminal or not.
They do say that even if they are cancer the chemo and radiation will "treat" them as well. My hope is that her treatment will obliterate them, but we have to watch them.
Wholly crap!
Part of me is happy they are treatable and part of me is devastated that the doctor can't say definitively that she is NOT terminal......scared....angry....and so many emotions in my head and heart i could not begin to explain how i feel, think, am.
Chemo starts 8/27/2010....2 weeks
Friday, August 13, 2010
She's Radioactive
Did you know that a Pet Scan makes you radioactive for several hours?
Well, it does.....they even give you a paper to prove it was because of a test and that your not in posetion of radioactive materials to build bombs with......the paper is to protect you from arrest by cops and so you can get through an airport....verrrrry interesting, no?
Well, it does.....they even give you a paper to prove it was because of a test and that your not in posetion of radioactive materials to build bombs with......the paper is to protect you from arrest by cops and so you can get through an airport....verrrrry interesting, no?
Tests and Oncologist Apt.
Another day off for Tina spent in doctors's offices starting at 7:15 am....should be done by 3:pm.
I feel like the poor girl never gets a real day off anymore.
I feel like the poor girl never gets a real day off anymore.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I Need a Miracle!
I'm so stressed and worried about so many things right now with regard to the wife's cancer, treatment, her job, her insurance, how she is handling everything.
I'm beside myself and feel quite paralyzed today.....although I am doing all I can I fear it won't be enough to make this as easy and stress free for her as something like this can be........LOL....i know, I'm nuts.
This is hard enough already without her work and other things making it worse. They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy her health and well being and our sanity.......unfortunately, I lost the lottery again....LOL
If ever I've needed a miracle, it's now. Not sure how much more I can endure
Lost a baby
Dog died
Mother-in-law died
Wife has cancer
....and the entire world seems hell bent on making this as hard/impossible to handle and deal with as possible.
I'm beside myself and feel quite paralyzed today.....although I am doing all I can I fear it won't be enough to make this as easy and stress free for her as something like this can be........LOL....i know, I'm nuts.
This is hard enough already without her work and other things making it worse. They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy her health and well being and our sanity.......unfortunately, I lost the lottery again....LOL
If ever I've needed a miracle, it's now. Not sure how much more I can endure
Lost a baby
Dog died
Mother-in-law died
Wife has cancer
....and the entire world seems hell bent on making this as hard/impossible to handle and deal with as possible.
Asking for Help
With regard to my previous post, I contacted Corporate HR at my girl's company and they called me back right away, exchanged email addys, and he will try to help us out ASAP.
He also guaranteed me no retribution from local management for going over their heads. He will see to that personally. He will get some of his insurance experts etc together and figure out how best to help us in our time of need.
I feel good about this all, but will believe it when I see it. I asked for everything in writing when all is worked out which should not be a problem.
He said he does not want to deny a cancer patient/employee all the support and care they require, and he seemed very sincere. He even stayed on the phone with me a bit to assure me everything will be ok and that he will begin working on this right away and get back to me.
He also guaranteed me no retribution from local management for going over their heads. He will see to that personally. He will get some of his insurance experts etc together and figure out how best to help us in our time of need.
I feel good about this all, but will believe it when I see it. I asked for everything in writing when all is worked out which should not be a problem.
He said he does not want to deny a cancer patient/employee all the support and care they require, and he seemed very sincere. He even stayed on the phone with me a bit to assure me everything will be ok and that he will begin working on this right away and get back to me.
Heartless
My girl's employer is saying she doesn't have short term or long term disability and they are denying her the ability to sign up for short term or long term disability until November 2010........even though she qualified for it at 400 hours worked. She now has more then 800 hours worked and they are still making her wait until open enrollment in November 2010 because of a technicality we don't fully understand and they won't explain in terms we can understand.
Apparently you have a 1 week window to sign up for sort term disability at your 400 hours. She was never told this nor is it in the company handbook......we still don't understand why she can't sign up now being as she has more then met the requirements. Apparently they believe their employees are psychic.
So now she HAS to work through her chemotherapy no matter how sick it makes her, and if she has to call out sick too many times she has to worry about loosing her job and insurance completely......nice, huh?
As if Cancer, Chemotherapy, Surgery, and Radiation aren't enough to worry about!
Even with insurance this will be at least $10,000 out of pocket not including medications etc...any millionairs out there wanna help?
Apparently you have a 1 week window to sign up for sort term disability at your 400 hours. She was never told this nor is it in the company handbook......we still don't understand why she can't sign up now being as she has more then met the requirements. Apparently they believe their employees are psychic.
So now she HAS to work through her chemotherapy no matter how sick it makes her, and if she has to call out sick too many times she has to worry about loosing her job and insurance completely......nice, huh?
As if Cancer, Chemotherapy, Surgery, and Radiation aren't enough to worry about!
Even with insurance this will be at least $10,000 out of pocket not including medications etc...any millionairs out there wanna help?
Monday, August 9, 2010
Some Answers....More Questions....more tests
Overwhelmed to say the least.
The Cancer in her Right breast and right lymph nodes we knew about. There is also cancer in the lymph nodes near her collar bone on the right ride.
The scary unknowns right now are a few nodes in one of her lungs, which are suspicious for cancer and lesions on her liver which may or may not be anything......Ultrasound and Pet Scan to rule those out.
Oh and a possible cyst on her ovary which is a nothing.
Either way the treatment will be the same.....
Her hair will probably fall out after the 2nd treatment so we may be going for the GI Jane hair cut sooner rather then later....eyebrows and eyelashes may or may not fall out as well.
Oddly I'm able to keep it together in her presence, as always i will fall apart tomorrow when she leaves for work....but I have so much to do.
My unemployment may or may not continue after I call them tomorrow, although I think it will continue until I find a job or it runs out in July of next summer....thankfully we have many friends and family who can pick up and take her to doctors if/when I am working.
So stressed out I can hardly deal with every day life, but I must. I wish I had the money to be able to stay home and take care of her for this whole next year, but unless lotto comes out (LOL) or Bill Gates becomes my new best friend.....such is life.
The Cancer in her Right breast and right lymph nodes we knew about. There is also cancer in the lymph nodes near her collar bone on the right ride.
The scary unknowns right now are a few nodes in one of her lungs, which are suspicious for cancer and lesions on her liver which may or may not be anything......Ultrasound and Pet Scan to rule those out.
Oh and a possible cyst on her ovary which is a nothing.
Either way the treatment will be the same.....
- Tests 1st
- Consult with Oncologist
- Port-o-cath surgically implanted over her good breast to administer the chemo and stuff next week.
- Chemo for 4 to 6 months
- Surgery to remove just the big lump, the lymph nodes under her arm, and reconstruction all at once.
- Radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks after that to make sure it's gone.
Her hair will probably fall out after the 2nd treatment so we may be going for the GI Jane hair cut sooner rather then later....eyebrows and eyelashes may or may not fall out as well.
Oddly I'm able to keep it together in her presence, as always i will fall apart tomorrow when she leaves for work....but I have so much to do.
My unemployment may or may not continue after I call them tomorrow, although I think it will continue until I find a job or it runs out in July of next summer....thankfully we have many friends and family who can pick up and take her to doctors if/when I am working.
So stressed out I can hardly deal with every day life, but I must. I wish I had the money to be able to stay home and take care of her for this whole next year, but unless lotto comes out (LOL) or Bill Gates becomes my new best friend.....such is life.
Today is the big day
We see the doctor at 4:45 pm to get all Tina's results and find out if the cancer has spread already or if we need more tests or if it's (we hope) JUST in her right breast and lymph node (where we already know it is).
We also, i think, will be coming up with a plan of attack with the doctor and setting up appointments with the oncologist, who is the same as the one (or rather, group) that her mom used.......THAT is a good thing....we have the best of the best when it comes to surgeons and oncologists.
We got to meet the staff in the oncologist's office already and loved them......fun, happy, upbeat and good at what they do.....it's also WHERE Tina will get her Chemo.....glad, no hospital....it's in the office with the nice staff we already met.
Tina is so scared she keeps having panic attacks, even more then usual......my poor girl.
I think once we know what we are dealing with AND have a plan.....i hope.....she will throw a switch inside and become the fighter she is by nature. Lone road ahead, but she can do it and i will do my best to support her and care for her.....I'm scared, protective and pissed all at the same time, sometimes.
FUCK CANCER!
We also, i think, will be coming up with a plan of attack with the doctor and setting up appointments with the oncologist, who is the same as the one (or rather, group) that her mom used.......THAT is a good thing....we have the best of the best when it comes to surgeons and oncologists.
We got to meet the staff in the oncologist's office already and loved them......fun, happy, upbeat and good at what they do.....it's also WHERE Tina will get her Chemo.....glad, no hospital....it's in the office with the nice staff we already met.
Tina is so scared she keeps having panic attacks, even more then usual......my poor girl.
I think once we know what we are dealing with AND have a plan.....i hope.....she will throw a switch inside and become the fighter she is by nature. Lone road ahead, but she can do it and i will do my best to support her and care for her.....I'm scared, protective and pissed all at the same time, sometimes.
FUCK CANCER!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Hurry Up and WAIT!
OK, turns out we will get some results from all the tests to see if the cancer has spread on Monday night......5:pm appointment....6 days.
I just want to hear that it hasn't spread which will mean it's managable.....sure chemo, surgery, and radiation, but a long life ahead.
If it has spread.......I don't even want to think about it.
I just want to hear that it hasn't spread which will mean it's managable.....sure chemo, surgery, and radiation, but a long life ahead.
If it has spread.......I don't even want to think about it.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Tests Tests Tests
Testing all day today to see if my girl's cancer has spread past her breast and lymph node...and by "all day" i mean ALL FREAKING DAY!
Starts with pre-meds at 1:30 am and ends with a bone scan starting at 4:45pm with a bunch of tests, medications and injections in between....ugh!.....there is literally something that has to be ingested, injected, or a place for us to be every hour.....sometimes every half hour....with one short 2 hour break during which she will be sleeping from all the meds and from which I will have to wake her to go to her last test.
....and the kicker....some of these tests take 2 weeks....that's 2 more weeks of not knowing if the cancer has spread.....2 weeks! 2 WEEKS!
Starts with pre-meds at 1:30 am and ends with a bone scan starting at 4:45pm with a bunch of tests, medications and injections in between....ugh!.....there is literally something that has to be ingested, injected, or a place for us to be every hour.....sometimes every half hour....with one short 2 hour break during which she will be sleeping from all the meds and from which I will have to wake her to go to her last test.
....and the kicker....some of these tests take 2 weeks....that's 2 more weeks of not knowing if the cancer has spread.....2 weeks! 2 WEEKS!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
BIOPSY
Had biopsies done on both breasts and one lymph node.
Left breast was just cysts
Right breast biopsies sent out
lymph node biopsy sent out
Results late Thursday
WAITING SUCKS!!!!!
Left breast was just cysts
Right breast biopsies sent out
lymph node biopsy sent out
Results late Thursday
WAITING SUCKS!!!!!
How We Got Here
My partner had a lump in her breast 10 years ago.....turned out to be a cyst.
So when she got another one (another lump) and had no insurance, she let it go, we didn't worry as much as we should have. Her mom was sick....terminal.....taking care of her for the last 3 years was more important...or so we thought.
She, my life partner, my wife, my life......she has insurance now.....we went to the doctor....she examined the lump....sent us straight away for an ultrasound and mammo....both came back suspicious for cancer.....also one of her lymph nodes is swollen which indicates that IF it is cancer it may have already spread.
The doctor is 99.9% sure the big lump is cancer....the rest we don't know.
I'm capable of being a rock for her only in her presence....the rest of the time I'm a basket case.
So when she got another one (another lump) and had no insurance, she let it go, we didn't worry as much as we should have. Her mom was sick....terminal.....taking care of her for the last 3 years was more important...or so we thought.
She, my life partner, my wife, my life......she has insurance now.....we went to the doctor....she examined the lump....sent us straight away for an ultrasound and mammo....both came back suspicious for cancer.....also one of her lymph nodes is swollen which indicates that IF it is cancer it may have already spread.
The doctor is 99.9% sure the big lump is cancer....the rest we don't know.
I'm capable of being a rock for her only in her presence....the rest of the time I'm a basket case.
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