Monday, April 11, 2011

A Little Bit of Sunshine

We're feeling it.....both of us.......hope. I sat in the sun for a little bit with T. We needed the fresh air and going for a walk is one of the few things we can do that don't leave T in pain.

She's finally starting to heal. Her range of motion is starting to come back, but she has to be careful. She can't drive yet.....tried it and it hurt too much.

Radiation starts soon.....probably within the week. I know that will exhaust her and it's affect will be cumulative.....meaning it will get worse each week. She's going to have radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks......but......we've gotten through sooooo much, I know we'll get through this too.

We'll be paying the doctors forever.....we had a benefit last year and we payed some of our doctors bills, but this is a new year and we've instantly added another $20,000 to our debt. Nothing I can do about that except, be frugal, and make monthly payments to everyone.

....but there is Sunshine......I watched T getting more sick and in pain and getting worse and now I get to watch her heal and become more herself each day.....and I've learned to love more, not care about the small stuff, forgive more, see the world from a very different point of view, I've grown and am a better person then I was......and most important, just keep moving forward.

Here comes the sun

I THOUGHT I'd learned to worry less, but really I've just learned to deal with my worry better and not get so upset, I loose my hope......kind of a "can do" attitude but different.

That is all...for now.

Monday, April 4, 2011

No Clue What to Name This Post

So many things swimming around in my brain.....I burst out into tears at odd moments when alone and loose myself in the tears......other times I look at my T and I just know she can beat this...and I see us growing old together.....I can actually see us sitting on a beach soaking up some sun over a picnic for many years to come.

I cornered one of her doctors and asked for hope, and she gave it to me. She said Metastatic disease can me managed and she has patients with it that are 5 years out and a some 10 years out. There are microscopic cells with the potential to become cancer floating around her body, we don't know how many, or if they will.....but we will watch and do scans every 3 to 4 months so that if there is a re-occurance we will catch it fast and treat it right away.

If you make it to 5 years, your odds of survival increase a little, if you make it to 10, they increase a lot more......and every 3 or 4 months when she has a scan, I will have a week of being scared out of my mind waiting for the results.

....but in my heart I believe we will grow old together.....I have to.....and that's how we have to live our lives.

Us in 2008