Thursday, September 29, 2011

I wonder if we will say goodbye tomorrow...

Tomorrow we go to the doctor for T's bi-weekly steroids & chemo and I believe this may be the last time we see the oncologist we have come to love and trust this past year.

I have to confess, I hold onto a hope that something will fall through or work out and she (the oncologist) will not have to move's doubtful, to say the least.....and yet, my heart hopes for it.

Not sure exactly when her last day will be, perhaps we will get to see her 1 more time after this, but I think this Friday will be our goodbye to her.

This has affected me more then I thought it would. I find myself having a hard time sleeping and thinking about this way too much. I'm afraid of loosing the woman who saved my girl's life, who, I believe, can get her past the 5 year hurtle and make her well enough to grow old with me. My head says, this doctor has already devised a plan for the next 5 years, so what does it matter who she sees? the doctor we trust came up with "the plan". The plan is to continue the steroids and Herceptin IV, every 2 weeks for the next 5 years. Something that has worked a miracle so far.

Also, our doc (who is leaving us) has promised to stay in touch and monitor T's case from her new home in PA. THAT gives me some comfort as well....that.....and the fact that we get to continue with the same wonderful nurses that have been administering her chemo all along.

So why am I worried? I think I worry WAY too much about everything these days. The year long stress has taken it's toll on me and though things seem to be falling into a good place right now, I'm hesitant to relax....but I'm trying.

I think I need a day or night with my good friend Katie and copious amounts of drinkage....LOL. She's like a sister to me. A person who makes me feel completely comfortable and with whom I always enjoy myself regardless of what we do or talk about.

I think T has been extra stressed about all this too, how could she not?.....Like me I think acceptance is sinking in and she too is starting to feel better about life in general. This makes me happy, although I expect this Fridays visit might send us both into a small tail spin for a few days until we re-gather our composure again.

Life is looking up and I'm going to try and be less scared and embrace it with my girl!

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