Sunday, June 3, 2012

On Edge

This coming Friday we see the doctor again and order new scans to see if our decision to stop all treatment was the right decision.

We stopped because we were not certain that the treatment was what was keeping the cancer away or not, but we did know that it was causing a lot of problems with Tina's health....permanent nerve damage, slow healing, and it was making her weaker by the day. We hoped that stopping would allow her to heal and grow stronger. That way, if there were a recurrence, she would be strong enough to fight and handle the medicine/poison.

I'm sooooo on edge now. Scared our decision was the wrong one. Scared the cancer might be back. I'm so nervous these days I can't sit still and I feel very alone in the world.

I've started guided meditation almost every morning (5 days a week) in an effort to control my nerves. I listen to Tara Brach's guided meditations and her voice in itself calms me, although my mind wanders throughout. I expect I'll get better at it, as time goes on.

We see the doctor in 5 days, I expect the scans to be ordered the following week, and results the week after that.

Send good vibes our way friends.

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