Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Stress Level

Even when I don't think I feel stressed out at any given moment, my asthma says otherwise.

I worry a lot, about everything. Been that way all my life......usually I have a good control of it, but these last few weeks, my asthma has been a nightmare....and a bit scary. Old Xanax that a doc gave me back in 2005 that I never took at the time is the only thing working. My asthma must be stress induced because the inhalers don't work well enough, but in combination with the xanax once, sometimes twice, a day keep me breathing. I need to get insurance soon, because I'm running out.

I always have a plan for something I'm not comfortable with, and a plan B and sometimes a plan C.....however, sometimes in life there are situations where you have to not care who you offend and just do what you know is right in your heart, consequences be damned.

An example of this is going full on after T's insurance company. I know getting state insurance officials involved pissed them off, but it was the only way to hold them accountable and make them do the right thing......after all, my wife's health and care is most important. The feelings or the job security of those trying to break the rules and deny her, her legal medical rights and treatment, are not my concern. My feeling is if you did your job right, I would not have had to call you out on it. It's not my nature to EVER mess with someones  living, but if your going to cost my wife the medical care she needs to live through this cancer, you bet I will do everything within the law to get her (my wife) the care she needs.

One of my best friends called me a pitbull when it comes to defending the ones I love.....all I have to say to that is D@mn right.

What they don't see or know is that when I am fighting for their rights, I am terrified I will fail or make things worse.....but I keep the faith that having right on my side, will get me through.....but in life, being right doesn't always mean you win.

My big stress not is T's pending surgery. I feel in my heart she will get through the surgery just fine, but I worry about the psychological affects of a mastectomy on her, so I'm grateful that reconstruction will either be completed or at least started at the same time during the same surgery. I believe that will make things easier to take during her recovery.

I'm not very religious, buy in my own way, I pray her pain during recovery will be minimal. I understand it will be the worst during the 1st 2 weeks until the drains come out, and most of what I've read tells me that after that the pain in considerably less.

I have a good friend coming to sit with me during her surgery next week....don't know if I will be good company in my state of worry, but I'm glad she will be there.

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