Sunday, August 22, 2010


Stress and worry of the unknown really f#cks with who you are at times. This is what a bad day is like...

When T is scared,and she's scared sh!tless about her 1st chemo this Friday and having all those chemicals running through her body.....she becomes very irritable and critical.

When I'm scared, and I am, I try to hide it from her mostly....and just yell at every idiot driver on my way to the store.....i take it out on strangers who can't hear me.....I try to ignore the nit picking she does out of fear and stress, but sometimes it gets so bad that I have to speak up and tell her to stop because she makes me feel that I can't do ANYTHING right.

She gets it immediately, and stops for awhile......but also then feels bad because she knows she does that......then I feel bad for making her feel bad......sigh!

I love her so much I hate that she's going through this.....I hate that I'm going through this......I hate that I spoke up for myself the other night and made her so sad on top of the fear she's already feeling.

I hope that once she has the chemo and sees exactly how she will react and feel, that it will be less scary and we can fall into a routine with it.....and maybe relax enough to enjoy the time between treatments more.

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