Sitting on the couch watching MSNBC......it's 5 after 11: pm......and I'm really enjoying the sound of the rain outside and the smell.......I love the smell of rain. Tina loves it too......I'm tempted to wake her and make her come sit with me......LOL.....doubt that would go over too well......"you woke me up so I could smell the rain?!?!, are you crazy?!?!".......the answer to that question we all know is....."YES, yes, I am crazy....duh!"
Then again she might find it amusing that I woke her to smell the rain.....hummmmm????
Living one day at a time......the days blend together with moments here and there that stand out. I do love being able to spend all this time with T.....I just wish she wasn't so sick.
Had a visit from our adorable nieces the other day, and T's bro and sis-in-law......I love spending time with them, especially little Remmy who is just adorable in every way. She is so little and yet full of personality.....there is nothing more beautiful then children her age....still discovering the world and already so smart.
T was so sick that day, but hid it well, so she could see and enjoy all their company. Every time little Remmy called her Auntie T, T's face lite up like a Christmas tree.....she was exhausted by the time they left, but it was the best thing for her......just brightened us both up actually. Kids have a way of doing that....and we get to be the cool aunties that live over an ice cream parlor......oh yeah! Lovin' that.
rut roh, she's up......not to smell the rain......nausea bad.....
10 minutes later.......OK, feeling better she's sitting next to me and I shit you not, she just sniffed the air and said she loved the smell of the rain and wishes she could go out and dance in it.......do I know my girl or what?
Monday, September 27, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Adriamycin and Cytoxan
Friday was round 3 of this little cocktail of chemotherapy drugs for T.......1 more to go in 2 weeks and then.....
....and then we change the drugs and see the surgeon to discuss what comes next.
I'm thinking option 3, but we shall see, depends on what the surgeon thinks.
T is having a hard time....cabin fever. We had company one night last week which was really nice. T's friend S came over and we had home made pizza. It was good too!....and it was nice to have company.
Can't wait 'til tomorrow.....her brother is coming over with the girls.....this is the 1st time they will see Auntie Tina with no hair. She gets a kick out of the way kids react to her being bald. She gives them a big smile when she catches them starring. It's cute how amazed they look and the big smiles T gets in return.
As for me, I teeter between OK and pissed off at the world and everyone in it......about every 2.5 seconds. Trying to keep that under control is not easy.
....and then we change the drugs and see the surgeon to discuss what comes next.
- surgery, reconstruction, more chemo, then radiation
- surgery, more chemo, radiation, then reconstruction
- more chemo, surgery, reconstruction, more chemo, then radiation
I'm thinking option 3, but we shall see, depends on what the surgeon thinks.
T is having a hard time....cabin fever. We had company one night last week which was really nice. T's friend S came over and we had home made pizza. It was good too!....and it was nice to have company.
Can't wait 'til tomorrow.....her brother is coming over with the girls.....this is the 1st time they will see Auntie Tina with no hair. She gets a kick out of the way kids react to her being bald. She gives them a big smile when she catches them starring. It's cute how amazed they look and the big smiles T gets in return.
As for me, I teeter between OK and pissed off at the world and everyone in it......about every 2.5 seconds. Trying to keep that under control is not easy.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Had 2 whole good days where Tina didn't feel too bad. Even had company over one night and made it to the Oyster Fest for about an hour.
Today sucked! and tomorrow doesn't look good either. T's hair has started falling out in clumps and her scalp hurts something awful.
What's worse is she's shutting me out.....this has all been the most horrible experience ever......I do as much as anyone who loves someone going through this can do and sometimes she says she appreciates it and sometime, like today, she just shuts me out completely. She's been in the other room almost since the second I got up this morning and now it's night and she will no doubt fall asleep for the night.
I feel helpless, rejected, and worthless.
I've been alone all day in the living room.....looked up some things to help her scalp pain, but she won't even try them......she just wants to be alone in bed.......I don't think I've cried this much in my entire life combined....I was so upset I even threw up a few times, and if you know me, i never EVER throw up, no matter how sick I get.
Feeling miserable, rejected, alone, unloved......my life sucks right now.
I love her with everything I am, but what does it matter..........
Today sucked! and tomorrow doesn't look good either. T's hair has started falling out in clumps and her scalp hurts something awful.
What's worse is she's shutting me out.....this has all been the most horrible experience ever......I do as much as anyone who loves someone going through this can do and sometimes she says she appreciates it and sometime, like today, she just shuts me out completely. She's been in the other room almost since the second I got up this morning and now it's night and she will no doubt fall asleep for the night.
I feel helpless, rejected, and worthless.
I've been alone all day in the living room.....looked up some things to help her scalp pain, but she won't even try them......she just wants to be alone in bed.......I don't think I've cried this much in my entire life combined....I was so upset I even threw up a few times, and if you know me, i never EVER throw up, no matter how sick I get.
Feeling miserable, rejected, alone, unloved......my life sucks right now.
I love her with everything I am, but what does it matter..........
Friday, September 10, 2010
Chemotherapy #2 Today
Tina is at chemo right now with her cousins who came down all the way from NY just to go sit with her while they pump her up with chemo. meds and fluids. I feel weird not taking her myself, but she wanted to accept all the offers of different cousins to go with her to a chemo. treatment.....that way she can both spend time with them and visit and also let them know that she appreciates their support.Cousins she sees maybe only once a year at a family function now and again, all stepped up when they heard she was sick. They organized a night out just to spend time together before her 1st chemo., they are organizing a fundraiser/benefit for her, and they have been writing her on-line, sending cards, and calling regularly, just so talk and offer support. It's a beautiful thing that gives me hope and it makes me so happy when her phone rings and she smiles at the caller ID and happily picks up the phone to chat with them.
I'm dreading this evening and wondering how sick this will make my girl tonight and in the days to come. I'm hoping her new medicine for the nausea will make it easier then last time and that the extra fluids will help as well.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Just in time for...
...her next chemotherapy.
Finally T feels a bit better and even made it to work yesterday for 6 hours. I don't dare let her drive herself though....when I picked her up yesterday, she almost instantly fell asleep in the car. Today looks like she's going to make it through a full day at work.
Her next chemotherapy is on Friday.....sigh!
I hope this treatment goes better then the last one. They found 2 drugs that actually help T's nausea and they will give those to her with her chemo. and also they will give her extra fluids before we leave too. Cross everything people!
She will most likely begin to loose her hair after this treatment. She knows it's coming, but I know her, and this will REALLY upset her. I just hope I'm with her or that it happens gradually.
I've been sleeping less and less.....even when i do drag myself to bed I just can't turn my head off....I lay awake worried about EVERYTHING.....exhausted and wired all at the same time....hard to explain.
Friends and family love us and call from time to time to check in, but this is one of those things that you think you know what it would be like.......until your in it, and you see what it's REALLY like, and realize that no one who hasn't actually been there has a clue....which sucks because you need them to understand. That's why everyone in that chemo. room is able to bond with the other patients so quickly and easily.
A friend from way back in high school, who has gone through all of this contacted me today. Just talking to her made me feel better. We don't talk often, but she is one of those rare people that you can not talk to for years and when you do, it's like no time has past. Thanks Facebook for making communication so easy with old friends....and thanks Toula!
I am grateful for my friends love and support and T's family who just jumped right in, to be there for us. Her cousin L is going to have a benefit/party for her and is going all out with everyone on that side of her family all jumping in to help....I wouldn't have a clue as to how to organize something like that, so I'm really thankful to him for having the idea and making it happen.....I'll write more about that as it gets closer and we pick a date......just thank you everyone!
You might not think that a hug hello or a text or call means or helps much, but it helps more then you could imagine.....it breeds hope....and reminds us, at our loneliest moments, that we are not alone.
Finally T feels a bit better and even made it to work yesterday for 6 hours. I don't dare let her drive herself though....when I picked her up yesterday, she almost instantly fell asleep in the car. Today looks like she's going to make it through a full day at work.
Her next chemotherapy is on Friday.....sigh!
I hope this treatment goes better then the last one. They found 2 drugs that actually help T's nausea and they will give those to her with her chemo. and also they will give her extra fluids before we leave too. Cross everything people!
She will most likely begin to loose her hair after this treatment. She knows it's coming, but I know her, and this will REALLY upset her. I just hope I'm with her or that it happens gradually.
I've been sleeping less and less.....even when i do drag myself to bed I just can't turn my head off....I lay awake worried about EVERYTHING.....exhausted and wired all at the same time....hard to explain.
Friends and family love us and call from time to time to check in, but this is one of those things that you think you know what it would be like.......until your in it, and you see what it's REALLY like, and realize that no one who hasn't actually been there has a clue....which sucks because you need them to understand. That's why everyone in that chemo. room is able to bond with the other patients so quickly and easily.
A friend from way back in high school, who has gone through all of this contacted me today. Just talking to her made me feel better. We don't talk often, but she is one of those rare people that you can not talk to for years and when you do, it's like no time has past. Thanks Facebook for making communication so easy with old friends....and thanks Toula!
I am grateful for my friends love and support and T's family who just jumped right in, to be there for us. Her cousin L is going to have a benefit/party for her and is going all out with everyone on that side of her family all jumping in to help....I wouldn't have a clue as to how to organize something like that, so I'm really thankful to him for having the idea and making it happen.....I'll write more about that as it gets closer and we pick a date......just thank you everyone!
You might not think that a hug hello or a text or call means or helps much, but it helps more then you could imagine.....it breeds hope....and reminds us, at our loneliest moments, that we are not alone.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Neulasta Shot - Mobile blogging
Wholly crap! This shot is supposed to increase her white blood cell count...but it also makes her bones ache, and makes her skin so sensitive to the touch...lots of pain.
On the plus side, I dragged a reluctant T back to the doctor today and they found the winning combo of anti-nausea meds FINALLY!
God I hope this makes the next round of chemo easier!
Another patient who did the same chemo meds said she was as bad as T her 1st round and that her 1st round was by FAR worse then the rest. That made me feel better about all this.
Until this afternoon T has been in so much pain that she spent the last 2 days mostly crying...broke my heart.
So glad she's feeling a bit better! Still to exhausted to do much, but at least she can eat now...yay!
On the plus side, I dragged a reluctant T back to the doctor today and they found the winning combo of anti-nausea meds FINALLY!
God I hope this makes the next round of chemo easier!
Another patient who did the same chemo meds said she was as bad as T her 1st round and that her 1st round was by FAR worse then the rest. That made me feel better about all this.
Until this afternoon T has been in so much pain that she spent the last 2 days mostly crying...broke my heart.
So glad she's feeling a bit better! Still to exhausted to do much, but at least she can eat now...yay!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Thoughtful, thoughts rattling around in my head
Side Note: There was a little old lady having chemotherapy in the chair next to T's today. She was kind and sweet and alone.
It made me so sad to know that she was going through that alone....and still she spoke kindly to us, encouraged us to hang in there, and when she left, she offered Tina her blanket as it's very cold in the chemotherapy room. I make a point of introducing us and talking to whoever is near us, when we go into that room.
It made me so sad to know that she was going through that alone....and still she spoke kindly to us, encouraged us to hang in there, and when she left, she offered Tina her blanket as it's very cold in the chemotherapy room. I make a point of introducing us and talking to whoever is near us, when we go into that room.
It's a room of strangers who bond in seconds over a common enemy....cancer! Everyone is sweet and kind to each other in there, because they know what is and is not important. The rest of the world outside is oblivious.
Can you say nausea, boys and girls?
Poor T had a horrible day of really bad nausea. She's been so sick, eating and drinking has been really hard for her.
When we got to the doctor, they took one look at her and hooked her up to an IV to give her fluids and anti-nausea meds, that didn't work. The fluids helped a tiny little bit.....I expect we will go back again tomorrow to do that again, and the doc definately wants to see and hydrate her again Friday.
I've never seen T this miserable and sick.....it makes me feel helpless and yet grateful that I can be here to take care of her all at the same time. I don't know what she would have done if I wasn't here....not that I actually did much...
...tried to get her to eat and drink
...drove her to the doctor
...ran a few errands
I wish these 1st four chemotherapy treatments would fly by.....1 down, 3 to go.....after that, they drop the heavy meds making her so sick and switch to meds she will tolerate way better....or so they say.
If that's all not enough, we have to worry that her work will screw her over and she'll loose her job because she's sick, in spite of the fact that we have doctors notes. They are making this way harder on T then they have to......people are selfish and evil sometimes....got the name of a good employment lawyer from a friend, just in case....hope we don't need him though.
When we got to the doctor, they took one look at her and hooked her up to an IV to give her fluids and anti-nausea meds, that didn't work. The fluids helped a tiny little bit.....I expect we will go back again tomorrow to do that again, and the doc definately wants to see and hydrate her again Friday.
I've never seen T this miserable and sick.....it makes me feel helpless and yet grateful that I can be here to take care of her all at the same time. I don't know what she would have done if I wasn't here....not that I actually did much...
...tried to get her to eat and drink
...drove her to the doctor
...ran a few errands
I wish these 1st four chemotherapy treatments would fly by.....1 down, 3 to go.....after that, they drop the heavy meds making her so sick and switch to meds she will tolerate way better....or so they say.
If that's all not enough, we have to worry that her work will screw her over and she'll loose her job because she's sick, in spite of the fact that we have doctors notes. They are making this way harder on T then they have to......people are selfish and evil sometimes....got the name of a good employment lawyer from a friend, just in case....hope we don't need him though.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
A Long Day
Tried to get Tina out of the house for a couple of hours today....it exhausted her in every way.....physically, mentally, emotionally.....like much of this weekend, I'm sitting next to her while she sleeps quietly.
It has been 3 days of nausea that has tried her patience, her strength and her determination.....she is stronger then she thinks, although there is no way she can go to work tomorrow and be, not only on her feet all day, but lifting 50 lb. bags of food, and chopping and cooking all day.
I've watched her break down, I've watched her give up, I've watched her fight, I've watched her get angry, I've watched her laugh.....and now as I watch her sleep, I know that I love her more then I thought it was possible to love another human being.
Through all this...and we've only just begun this journey......I have been on an emotional roller coaster myself.....not quite the same as hers, but just as scary and with as many twists, dips and turns.....I have to deal with her crazy mood swings, but she has to deal with mine too...
frustration....I find myself snapping at people for no reason, yelling at drivers who cut me off like some kind of lunatic one minute, and laughing at myself for it later.....hoping my friends understand when I'm angry, or quiet or forgetful.....hope they and T know it's the frustration talking and that I don't mean half the sh!t I say sometimes....so take nothing personally, please.
Nothing frustrates me more then a problem I can't fix. She has to struggle through a treatment that will last for almost a full year and there is nothing I can do but watch, and try to help her through it as best I can.....it sucks when your an "I wanna fix it now" kind of person......and did I mention, patience is not a virtue I have a lot of.
.....tomorrow is another day.....
It has been 3 days of nausea that has tried her patience, her strength and her determination.....she is stronger then she thinks, although there is no way she can go to work tomorrow and be, not only on her feet all day, but lifting 50 lb. bags of food, and chopping and cooking all day.
I've watched her break down, I've watched her give up, I've watched her fight, I've watched her get angry, I've watched her laugh.....and now as I watch her sleep, I know that I love her more then I thought it was possible to love another human being.
Through all this...and we've only just begun this journey......I have been on an emotional roller coaster myself.....not quite the same as hers, but just as scary and with as many twists, dips and turns.....I have to deal with her crazy mood swings, but she has to deal with mine too...
frustration....I find myself snapping at people for no reason, yelling at drivers who cut me off like some kind of lunatic one minute, and laughing at myself for it later.....hoping my friends understand when I'm angry, or quiet or forgetful.....hope they and T know it's the frustration talking and that I don't mean half the sh!t I say sometimes....so take nothing personally, please.
Nothing frustrates me more then a problem I can't fix. She has to struggle through a treatment that will last for almost a full year and there is nothing I can do but watch, and try to help her through it as best I can.....it sucks when your an "I wanna fix it now" kind of person......and did I mention, patience is not a virtue I have a lot of.
.....tomorrow is another day.....
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Chemotherapy- Not for the weak
THE DAY OF TREATMENT:
Let's see......we got there, everyone was really sweet and it all went smoothly. I brought T's laptop for her to distract her....
they checked her blood counts, with a finger stick,
gave her, her EMENS pill (it cost $356.40 for 3 pills). She takes it for 3 days with each chemo. along with another drug that's a steroid also for 3 days.
IV of anti-nausea
then they hung all the chemo. drugs
She felt good through the treatment...made friends with an older couple who was there too
In spite of the meds., nausea kicked in, in a big way around 6:00 pm. My poor girl was praying she could throw up for a few hours, but the meds didn't make that easy.....by 8 she was throwing up and continued for another 2 hours. Thankfully after that, exhaustion kicked in and she slept through the night.
DAY 2:
Nausea is back, but not as bad...meds in.....ginger tea made.....breakfast being eaten with a healthy dose of saltines. With hope she'll start to feel better and better as the day goes on......exhaustion should hit her hard they say today or tomorrow......we'll see....maybe the steroid will help with that.
Just want her to feel better
Friday, August 27, 2010
1st Chemotherapy Today!
Headed to T's 1st Chemotherapy in 15 minutes.
Time to fight!
I might try mobile Blogging at some point during the process.
Everybody think happy thoughts and send some good vibes our way!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tick Tock
Tina's 1st chemotherapy this Friday got changed from 9:am to 1:pm and we're gonna be there for like 3 or 4 hours. They said the 1st 2 sessions would be longer.....they weren't kidding.
Waiting is freaking us both out.....just want to see what it will be like, how she'll react, how she will recover, how will she feel come Monday when she has to go back to work.....we shall see.
They are giving her the stronger of the 2 choices of chemotherapy for her situation. It causes more nausea then the other kind of chemo. so they said they will be giving her an IV drug for the nausea in addition to the pills we got already.
I spent all day today cleaning to make the apt. germ free by Friday, but I have so much more to do. We made chicken soup late tonight....I'll finish it off tomorrow......
I have so much to do tomorrow.....laundry with comforters, sheets and everything, bank,and a couple of stores....then finish off the soup, put laundry away, and more cleaning of the bedroom and kitchen.
I have to be done tomorrow because Friday T's gonna be a basket case waiting for her 1st chemotherapy....no clue how I'll be.
OK, off to bed....I need some sleep...getting up with T at 4:45 am every morning is killing me. I usually try and get a little more sleep after she leaves at 5:30 am, but I have shit to do and get done before she comes home at 3:pm-ish.
Waiting is freaking us both out.....just want to see what it will be like, how she'll react, how she will recover, how will she feel come Monday when she has to go back to work.....we shall see.
They are giving her the stronger of the 2 choices of chemotherapy for her situation. It causes more nausea then the other kind of chemo. so they said they will be giving her an IV drug for the nausea in addition to the pills we got already.
I spent all day today cleaning to make the apt. germ free by Friday, but I have so much more to do. We made chicken soup late tonight....I'll finish it off tomorrow......
I have so much to do tomorrow.....laundry with comforters, sheets and everything, bank,and a couple of stores....then finish off the soup, put laundry away, and more cleaning of the bedroom and kitchen.
I have to be done tomorrow because Friday T's gonna be a basket case waiting for her 1st chemotherapy....no clue how I'll be.
OK, off to bed....I need some sleep...getting up with T at 4:45 am every morning is killing me. I usually try and get a little more sleep after she leaves at 5:30 am, but I have shit to do and get done before she comes home at 3:pm-ish.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
What to eat and what not to eat, THAT is the question.
Anyone out there have any experience or knowledge about what is good to eat during chemotherapy and what is good to avoid?
Tina and I have both been doing a lot of reading on the internet. I've found there is a LOT of misinformation out there, so for now I'm sticking with WebMD .
Can anyone recommend any other reputable websites that we can go to to learn more?
We plan to consult with a nutritionist soon, but would still like to read more for ourselves as chemo. starts THIS Friday.
Tina and I have both been doing a lot of reading on the internet. I've found there is a LOT of misinformation out there, so for now I'm sticking with WebMD .
Can anyone recommend any other reputable websites that we can go to to learn more?
We plan to consult with a nutritionist soon, but would still like to read more for ourselves as chemo. starts THIS Friday.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Stress
Stress and worry of the unknown really f#cks with who you are at times. This is what a bad day is like...
When T is scared,and she's scared sh!tless about her 1st chemo this Friday and having all those chemicals running through her body.....she becomes very irritable and critical.
When I'm scared, and I am, I try to hide it from her mostly....and just yell at every idiot driver on my way to the store.....i take it out on strangers who can't hear me.....I try to ignore the nit picking she does out of fear and stress, but sometimes it gets so bad that I have to speak up and tell her to stop because she makes me feel that I can't do ANYTHING right.
She gets it immediately, and stops for awhile......but also then feels bad because she knows she does that......then I feel bad for making her feel bad......sigh!
I love her so much I hate that she's going through this.....I hate that I'm going through this......I hate that I spoke up for myself the other night and made her so sad on top of the fear she's already feeling.
I hope that once she has the chemo and sees exactly how she will react and feel, that it will be less scary and we can fall into a routine with it.....and maybe relax enough to enjoy the time between treatments more.
When T is scared,and she's scared sh!tless about her 1st chemo this Friday and having all those chemicals running through her body.....she becomes very irritable and critical.
When I'm scared, and I am, I try to hide it from her mostly....and just yell at every idiot driver on my way to the store.....i take it out on strangers who can't hear me.....I try to ignore the nit picking she does out of fear and stress, but sometimes it gets so bad that I have to speak up and tell her to stop because she makes me feel that I can't do ANYTHING right.
She gets it immediately, and stops for awhile......but also then feels bad because she knows she does that......then I feel bad for making her feel bad......sigh!
I love her so much I hate that she's going through this.....I hate that I'm going through this......I hate that I spoke up for myself the other night and made her so sad on top of the fear she's already feeling.
I hope that once she has the chemo and sees exactly how she will react and feel, that it will be less scary and we can fall into a routine with it.....and maybe relax enough to enjoy the time between treatments more.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
In Port
OK, so yesterday was T's day-surgery to put a port in her chest so she can start her chemo next Friday. Our surgeon was running about 3 hours late and poor Tina was having panic attacks all day. Finally she had a REALLY huge one, said I'm pulling out my IV and going home. By then I had already asked for anesthesia to come and give her SOMETHING......within 2 seconds of them injecting her, she was comfy and happy and falling asleep....whew!
It was actually kinda funny once she was OK. The doctor came out of surgery just then and apologized for running late. Told T, "so, I hear you tried to make a break for it"? Anesthesia girl (didn't catch her name) was smiling and went to the OR to prepare. The doc was very sweet to T and commented on her newly short and blond hair. I told her T wanted to be a bad @ss for a few weeks. This made the doctor laugh and she said, "I like that attitude!" The doctor was gentle and touched T's arm when she talked to her to let her know she actually cared. I really like this doctor.
After that ordeal of waiting and poor Tina sobbing most of the day, they took her in and relieved I trotted off to the waiting room. Relieved lasted about a second and worry set in. Thankfully a particularly talkative woman also waiting kept me distracted, and I her.
The doctor came out about an hour later and told me everything went great and Tina was fine and in recovery and that I could see her in about an hour after they got her a quick x-ray. I was so grateful I hugged the stuffing outta the doctor and she seemed truly touched. I'm just not used to doctors with a heart....LOL
Did I mention her port is 1000 times better then her mom's was. It's smaller, moved closer to her shoulder so it should be not too visible with any kind of shirt. She's tender but feeling OK.
No clue how the poor girl is gonna be able to work tomorrow or for 7 days straight until her chemo.....sigh.
It was actually kinda funny once she was OK. The doctor came out of surgery just then and apologized for running late. Told T, "so, I hear you tried to make a break for it"? Anesthesia girl (didn't catch her name) was smiling and went to the OR to prepare. The doc was very sweet to T and commented on her newly short and blond hair. I told her T wanted to be a bad @ss for a few weeks. This made the doctor laugh and she said, "I like that attitude!" The doctor was gentle and touched T's arm when she talked to her to let her know she actually cared. I really like this doctor.
After that ordeal of waiting and poor Tina sobbing most of the day, they took her in and relieved I trotted off to the waiting room. Relieved lasted about a second and worry set in. Thankfully a particularly talkative woman also waiting kept me distracted, and I her.
The doctor came out about an hour later and told me everything went great and Tina was fine and in recovery and that I could see her in about an hour after they got her a quick x-ray. I was so grateful I hugged the stuffing outta the doctor and she seemed truly touched. I'm just not used to doctors with a heart....LOL
Did I mention her port is 1000 times better then her mom's was. It's smaller, moved closer to her shoulder so it should be not too visible with any kind of shirt. She's tender but feeling OK.
No clue how the poor girl is gonna be able to work tomorrow or for 7 days straight until her chemo.....sigh.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
On a Mission
Been trying to raise money for our crazy out of pocket medical bills......not that anything has worked so far.
So LATE the other night I created a "Donations Web Site" . Twittered it out and Facebooked it out too and even put it on a traffic exchange and spent hours surfing for credits.....so far 2 people donated.
Not feeling too hopeful about this one, but it's worth a shot. I asked everyone on twitter and facebook to share or re-tweet it, which I hate doing. Asking people to post or tweet something for me, that is......but pride went out the window a long time ago. A lot shared it at least. Thanks for those that did. Means a lot to me.
I'm going to try posting the link different days and times of day also.
If anyone is actually reading this blog and you have a blog yourself, would you consider writing a post about this or placing a link on your page? ...and email me and tell me, if you do with your blog address so I can link back to you. I'm going to add Links to Friends and supporters in the sidebar this weekend if not sooner.
Headed to hospital to get Tina into surgery to put her port in her chest so they can start chemo next week.....
Feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/katpop
So LATE the other night I created a "Donations Web Site" . Twittered it out and Facebooked it out too and even put it on a traffic exchange and spent hours surfing for credits.....so far 2 people donated.
Not feeling too hopeful about this one, but it's worth a shot. I asked everyone on twitter and facebook to share or re-tweet it, which I hate doing. Asking people to post or tweet something for me, that is......but pride went out the window a long time ago. A lot shared it at least. Thanks for those that did. Means a lot to me.
I'm going to try posting the link different days and times of day also.
If anyone is actually reading this blog and you have a blog yourself, would you consider writing a post about this or placing a link on your page? ...and email me and tell me, if you do with your blog address so I can link back to you. I'm going to add Links to Friends and supporters in the sidebar this weekend if not sooner.
Headed to hospital to get Tina into surgery to put her port in her chest so they can start chemo next week.....
Feel free to follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/katpop
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
OMFG!!!!!
Went to the pharmacy to pick up some medicine for T's 1st chemotherapy and almost fainted when they told me the price.
...are you sitting down....
$356.40 for THREE PILLS!.....I sh!t you not......and then I found out she has to take this medication with EVERY chemo. treatment! (((THUD!)))
I found myself sobbing in the car, trying to get a grip so I could drive.
Called the doctor and asked them to call me tomorrow so I can ask for samples, if they even have them for this kinda drug.
Then a moment of WHEW! I looked up T's benefits and discovered there is an out of pocket max for non-covered and covered drugs.......WHEW!!!
All these emotions from what was to be a quick stop at the pharmacy on my way to the supermarket.....I feel like I ran a marathon.
I keep telling myself everything is going to be o.k., but I find myself on an emotional roller coaster 24/7
...are you sitting down....
$356.40 for THREE PILLS!.....I sh!t you not......and then I found out she has to take this medication with EVERY chemo. treatment! (((THUD!)))
I found myself sobbing in the car, trying to get a grip so I could drive.
Called the doctor and asked them to call me tomorrow so I can ask for samples, if they even have them for this kinda drug.
Then a moment of WHEW! I looked up T's benefits and discovered there is an out of pocket max for non-covered and covered drugs.......WHEW!!!
All these emotions from what was to be a quick stop at the pharmacy on my way to the supermarket.....I feel like I ran a marathon.
I keep telling myself everything is going to be o.k., but I find myself on an emotional roller coaster 24/7
Scary Day Tomorrow
Tina gets her port put in tomorrow. I know it's just day surgery, but still......waiting and not knowing things scares me. We have to be there at high noon. Poor T's gotta starve until then, and she's worried it will hurt after because....well....heck it's gonna be in her chest under the skin for like a year.
Her mom had one and said it didn't hurt. I sure hope she was telling the truth and not just protecting us from worry back then.
If that's not scary enough, our beautiful new baby niece is having serious surgery to address a birth defect. A surgery so rare, her surgeon has never done it before.....I'll be watching my texts from them at a different hospital all day. Kids go early to surgery as a rule, so I hope she's out and well before they take Tina in. Just sad that we can't be there with them through this.
There I go crying again....seems all i do is cry these days. if you knew me, there was a time that no matter how hurt I was I could not shed a tear, especially in any one's presence.
....gotta go take a shower and run around a bit now
Her mom had one and said it didn't hurt. I sure hope she was telling the truth and not just protecting us from worry back then.
If that's not scary enough, our beautiful new baby niece is having serious surgery to address a birth defect. A surgery so rare, her surgeon has never done it before.....I'll be watching my texts from them at a different hospital all day. Kids go early to surgery as a rule, so I hope she's out and well before they take Tina in. Just sad that we can't be there with them through this.
There I go crying again....seems all i do is cry these days. if you knew me, there was a time that no matter how hurt I was I could not shed a tear, especially in any one's presence.
....gotta go take a shower and run around a bit now
Sunday, August 15, 2010
What I DO believe
I believe in Family and Friends
I believe we are born full of love and compassion and joy........most loose these gifts as they live......VERY few keep them and those few......well.....their capacity to love only grows as they live....it's a beautiful thing......it's those people I care about and keep in my life and love and BELIEVE in with all my heart.
I believe in the people I love, partly because they believe in me......and hope they know how very much I love and believe in them.
Spending time with THESE people is ALL that matters....in good times and bad.
- The people who come or call because they love you.
- Who spend time with you because you mean something to each other.
- The people you have connected with so deeply that you could not talk for years, or see each other, or hear from each other.....and yet, when you do, you pick up where you left off, as if no time has past.
- The people who drop everything in a crisis and are there for you and know that you would do they same for them and have, and appreciate it.
- The boy you watched grow into a man, who you would die for, because you know their love is unconditional.....and you want him to know your love for him is also unconditional.
- The young girl you watched grow up to be a beautiful, smart, confident woman, who stops to hug you and excitedly shares what's going on in her life, and knows how very proud and happy you are of her and for her.
- The people you could fight with and tell to fuck off in one breath, knowing that if something bad happened you could still call them for help and they would come.
- The woman who spent the last 13 years with me, who has been to hell and back with me and loves me worts and all.
I believe we are born full of love and compassion and joy........most loose these gifts as they live......VERY few keep them and those few......well.....their capacity to love only grows as they live....it's a beautiful thing......it's those people I care about and keep in my life and love and BELIEVE in with all my heart.
I believe in the people I love, partly because they believe in me......and hope they know how very much I love and believe in them.
Spending time with THESE people is ALL that matters....in good times and bad.
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